On our last full day in Mexico we went to Casa Gabriel which is an orphanage for disabled kids. There are so many things I want to share with you guys about this orphanage. I want to tell you how the orphanage got started, I want to tell you each kids story, I want to tell you everything.
But right now I need to tell you about my day Thursday.....
It was one of those days. I felt sickish, I felt insecure, when I went to the store to get four things I left with one, I was packing up to move to college (an emotional thing for me), I started to question my future again and I just felt defeated. On the way home from the store I sat in my car for a moment and cried. I prayed that God would be God and he would make it clear what he has for me. I took a deep breathe and I drove home.
I had forgotten. I had forgotten everything.
When I went to youth group that night we talked about the Mexico trip, specifically Casa Gabriel. Then I remembered. I remembered Shelly, a girl who no control over her body. She couldn't sit in a wheel chair, respond to you or look at you. All she could do was lie in a bed. I remembered her. I remembered playing with her hair and grazing my fingers along her face. I remembered praying over her. I remembered telling her how beautiful she is. I remembered feeding her and I remembered her laughing at me when I spilled the food. I didn't even know she could laugh, but she did.
I remembered and it knocked the wind out of me. There I was upset over such stupid things. I was so humbled and disgusted with myself. How had I already forgotten? I now know that I can never walk away. I will be back. I will kiss Shelly's forehead, I will whisper to her how beautiful she is, I will offer an affirming touch.
You see, I don't know how to end this entry. I don't have a well planned take away or piece of advice. This is just my broken heart for a girl who is still lying there at Casa Gabriel. This is just me saying something is not right. And this is me saying I am not okay with it.
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